Observation

Something's been bugging me lately, folks: More and more people seem to have taken to no longer saying "Merry Christmas" and now use the generic "Happy Holiday" greeting. I actually had someone today stumble over their words trying to figure out how to wish me a merry Christmas. You know what, screw that! Just say "Merry Christmas", alright? You know what the worst thing that can happen would be if I didn't celebrate Christmas (which I do, by the way)? I would politely correct you and say "Why thank you, sir/m'am, I don't celebrate Christmas but I do appreciate the well wishes".

There. Was that so bad?

Fucking political correctness. Anyway, Merry Christmas to all of you that do celebrate it and a happy New Year to all.

In the Can

Afternoon folks. Here are a couple of brand spankin' new trailes for your consumption holes. The first is a quick tv spot for Cloverfield, the new JJ Abrams project opening on 01-01-08. It features a great shot of jets flying through New York, a bridge collapsing, and some character dialogue. Hard to believe it's just over a month before this sucker hits the big screen and all that viral marketing pays off.



This next one is the first trailer for Hellboy II: The Golden Army, directed by Guillermo Del Toro. I like the new looks for Selma Blair's character Liz Sherman, and Abe Sapien, played by Doug Jones. It kinda bothered me in the first film that they would send these characters into dangerous situations unarmed (even though Liz is a walking nuke). They've definitely taken some tips from the animated Hellboy films that are out in regards to the character design and costumes. It's a bit more comic book-ish, but I think it works in the films world.

I am JJ Abrams' little bitch

Here is a 5 minute clip from the upcoming JJ Abrams project Cloverfield. Feel free to copy the code and post to your own blog

Brookstoned is the way of the walk

This holiday season, nothing says "I have no clue what you like, so, yeah. Here's something that requires 15 D Cell batteries and an extension cord", quite like a gift from the Brookstone catalog.

"Oh Manny, what do I give to that person that'll let them know exactly how I feel about them? Can you help me?"

Of course, you cotton-headed ninny-muggins! Here's some handy gift ideas and what each gift says about your so called "friends" (who are probably too wrapped in things like their kids, parents, siblings, blah, blah, fucking blah):

"Hey Fatty! How about stepping out of the line at Fatburger and stepping onto this scale? Not only with this little baby calculate your body fat percentage (here's a hint: you're somewhere between Marlon Brando and this.) Also, since it's transparent, you'll be able to see the tile cracking beneath your feet as you set your tree trunk size leg on this bad boy. Merry Christmas, Shamu!"


"What's stuck up your ass?? Why, this little beauty here, that's what! Now you'll be able to tell everyone EXACTLY what's stuck up your ass and how long it's been rolling around in there for. Also, the built in thermometer will tell you the exact temperature in Hershey Town at the push of a button. Feel like taking a nap? The built in alarm with touch snooze feature will keep you from missing that all important "I'm a douche bag that wouldn't be on time for his/her own douching" douche bag's anonymous meeting. Douche bag."


"Happy Kwanzaa, you god damned shut-in! Even your porcine fingers shouldn't have difficulty finding the 'Sit on your ass all day and watch TV' channel, thanks to the over sized buttons on this bad boy. The buttons are even glow in the dark, so you won't have to bother with any of that pesky sunlight: just set it next to the warm glow of your Sith light saber. The 6 in 1 feature lets you control your TV, DVD, self inflating Lara Croft doll, milkshake I.V., ceiling mounted crane (for avoiding those pesky bed sores) and animatronic Harry Knowles".

Hope that helps, folks. If not, go screw. Merry Christmas, and Happy Fucking New Year!

The power of Campbell compels you!

Ok, I know my little corner of the blogosphere has been movie clip central for the past couple of days, but it's my blog and I can be lazy if I want to. However, I found this little gem whilst trolling the interwebs, and it features the greatest B movie actor ever to grace my screen with his chiseled features. Who is that man? None other than Bruce Campbell:




That's right, bitches, Mr. "This...is my boom-stick!" is back with his latest masterpiece "My Name is Bruce".


The synopsis (according to IMDB) is as follows: B Movie Legend Bruce Campbell is mistaken for his character Ash from the Evil Dead trilogy and forced to fight a real monster in a small town in Oregon.

The synopsis (according to me) is as follows: This movie is going to rock. your. ass! You will laugh so hard your sphinctre will probably rupture but you won't care, because it's Bruce Campbell! His ability to so completely immerse himself in his character and create layer upon layer of complexity will have you in tears. If you don't completely enjoy this movie and forego any and all other facets of your life as you watch and rewatch it, you're probably Al Qaeda and definitely devoid of a soul.



Ruptured sphinctre? Check. Tears of joy? Check. It's THAT good.

Absurd History

Absurd History
Video sent by wblab

"Absurd History" is a sketch comedy show that imagines the moments in history that ordinary objects were created.

In space, no one can hear me giggle like a school girl...

Hey folks, here are the first 5 minutes of Alien Vs. Predator 2, courtesy of Worstpreviews.com's source code. As shitty as the first one was, I'm actually really looking forward to this one. Say what you will.