Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Phrase of the day: "Slow news day"

Over the past week or so I've made note of some particularly inane "news" stories that have been advertised. Like to hear em'? He' it goes...

1. Cell phone terrorism. Wow. Really? How about getting a new phone? Or maybe calling the person back and ask them if they've "accepted Jesus as their lord and savior", or my personal favorite which is to tell them you've always wanted a stalker and if you can meet for coffee and arrange a stalking schedule. Who doesn't like a good stalking? Who's with me?

2. Praying for rain? What. The . Fuck?? How about a good old rain dance? Maybe a divinig rod to find that pesky well that keeps jumping around? This was a particular fucky piece of news. The god damned GOVERNOR of Atlanta, GA is holding a vigil for rain. Let me repeat that. A vigil. For rain. RAIN, people. I'd like to ask my remaining readers to join hands and pray that a Hollywood producer finds this blog and wants to give me piles of money to make a movie about my life as a parent. Kumbayah, bitches.

3. STD's are all the rage these days. I'm tellin' you, those crazy kids and the Wii's and PS2's and...The Clap? According to the New York Stock Exchange, Gonorrhea is up after an all time low, and Syphillis is seeing a promising upswing as well. Not to be forgotten, Chlamydia experienced a jump from 976,000 in '05 to 1,031,000 in '06. Hey TK, good job importing those Somalian prostitutes.

6 comments:

litelysalted said...

Hmm... Wonder if the sudden gonorrhea resurgence has anything to do with Britney out and about so much.

Dammit. My brain is turning to mashed potatoes.

girl with curious hair said...

You beat me to it. I have been bombarded by crazy religious comments today. Between co-workers denying evolution, rain prayers and offers to introduce me to Jesus, I'm beginning to get a little worried.

I'm going to steal this idea.

demondoll said...

Nice to know that abstinence-only training is working out. We wouldn't want them to actually learn about responsible sex...

A Bowl Of Stupid said...

Huh?

I left the jungles of Southeast Asia for THIS?

Oy vey.

Bella said...

Praying for rain? Welcome to the SOUTH.

See the crap I have to live with???

Sleepless Mama said...

Well, at least the governor of Georgia is saying a prayer AND emphasizing water conservation AND petitioning the federal government for assistance. That just sounds like a man who's trying to have all his bases covered. I don't recall what the governor of Alabama did besides declaring a week of prayer for rain. Did that guy ever do something?

Also, while I'm with you on freaking out your phone stalker with Jesus talk, I should point out that the family in the article did try new phones and phone numbers. They're not morons.