Over the past week or so I've made note of some particularly inane "news" stories that have been advertised. Like to hear em'? He' it goes...
1. Cell phone terrorism. Wow. Really? How about getting a new phone? Or maybe calling the person back and ask them if they've "accepted Jesus as their lord and savior", or my personal favorite which is to tell them you've always wanted a stalker and if you can meet for coffee and arrange a stalking schedule. Who doesn't like a good stalking? Who's with me?
2. Praying for rain? What. The . Fuck?? How about a good old rain dance? Maybe a divinig rod to find that pesky well that keeps jumping around? This was a particular fucky piece of news. The god damned GOVERNOR of Atlanta, GA is holding a vigil for rain. Let me repeat that. A vigil. For rain. RAIN, people. I'd like to ask my remaining readers to join hands and pray that a Hollywood producer finds this blog and wants to give me piles of money to make a movie about my life as a parent. Kumbayah, bitches.
3. STD's are all the rage these days. I'm tellin' you, those crazy kids and the Wii's and PS2's and...The Clap? According to the New York Stock Exchange, Gonorrhea is up after an all time low, and Syphillis is seeing a promising upswing as well. Not to be forgotten, Chlamydia experienced a jump from 976,000 in '05 to 1,031,000 in '06. Hey TK, good job importing those Somalian prostitutes.