Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Thug Life


Hey folks, sorry I've been MIA for a while, but there have been a few recent developments that have been taking up all of my attencion. I don't want to bore you guys with the gory details, but the crazy ex is up to her old tricks again, but my oldest is definitely having some emotional issues that have to be dealt with immediately.

But here are a few things that have grabbed my attention but haven't really merited a full blown post of their own:

Blogger extraordinaire Chez finally had his baby! Say hi to Inara Grace Pazienza (do Scantron sheets have enough bubbles for all of that?)

Feminists have their panties in a bunch over portrayal of a chunky princess in a new Sony game. This is what we get for giving you equal rights? Freakin' ungrateful broads...

Speaking of M.I.A., here's the latest from the group that I believe is on the Pineapple Express Soundtrack. Thug life, bitches.

Monday, July 21, 2008

Friday, July 11, 2008

I am become death, destroyer of blogs


So, what the hell people? For some reason, the readership on this blog has dropped down to me and some unemployed surfer in Thailand. What did I do people? Did I sleep with your wife? Husband? Did I call your kid a nasty name? They totally deserved it, truth be told. That kid’s an asshole.

Am I not entertaining enough for you? Do I need to jump off of another roof to prove my love for you? FINE. If that’s what you want, that’s what you’ll get. Well, I’ll hopefully be hooking up (not like that, you nasty) with blogger and where movie references go to die, Prisco, and hopefully a couple of the big muck-a-mucks from Pajiba in a couple of weeks after they’ve spent the day dressed as Wonder Woman and Bat Girl at the Comic Con in San Diego.

With any luck, I’ll be able to get some incriminating photos of them that I can parley into some cold hard cash. But it’s all in the name of good fun. And web traffic. Because I am an attention whore.

Editor's note: I will also be meeting up with the lovely and oh so talented Girl with Curious Hair of the blog by the same name andBlog Me a Tale.

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

This just in

I may have just discovered the greatest show in the history of basic cable.

Armenian Superstar.

More to come soon.

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Recipe for disaster


If any of you have read some of the other comment threads that I’ve been a part of on Pajiba, you know that my loathing of Tyler Perry is well documented. HOWEVER, this motherfucker (hey my spell check didn’t catch “motherfucker’, weird) has sunk to a new low. I picked up on the synopsis for his latest cinematic bowel movement whilst perusing WorstPreviews:

Official plot synopsis: "Wealthy socialite Charlotte Cartwright (Kathy Bates) and her dear friend Alice Pratt (Alfre Woodard), a working class woman of high ideals, have enjoyed a lasting friendship throughout many years. Suddenly, their lives become mired in turmoil as their adult children's extramarital affairs, unethical business practices and a dark paternity secret threaten to derail family fortunes and unravel the lives of all involved. Alice's self-centered newlywed daughter Andrea (Sanaa Lathan) is betraying her trusting husband Chris (Rockmond Dunbar) by engaging in a torrid affair with her boss and mothers best friends son William (Cole Hauser). While cheating on his wife Jillian (Kadee Strickland) with a string of ongoing dalliances with his mistress Andrea, William's true focus is to replace the COO of his mothers lucrative construction corporation. Meanwhile, Alice's other daughter Pam (Taraji Henson), a kind but no nonsense woman married to a hard working construction worker (Tyler Perry), tries to steer the family in a more positive direction.

While paternity secrets, marital infidelity, greed and unsavory business dealings threaten to derail both families, Charlotte and Alice decide to take a breather from it all by making a cross-country road trip in which they rediscover themselves and possibly find a way to save their families from ruin."

The previous was the synopsis for “The Family that Preys”. Did that not sound like the kind of shit you find on really bad day time television? Go ahead and read it again if you need to (or if you’d like to know what it fees like to have the left side of your brain collapse in on itself), I’ll wait. Done? Good. So am I. For one thing, I am tired of this self righteous bastard taking the same tired, trite film concepts he’s been recycling ever since he got up enough scratch to start his own production company and repackaging them, hoping that somehow he’ll be able to generate enough buzz for people to forget that if you’ve seen one Tyler Perry play, you’ve seen them all and don’t even bother seeing the movies. Not familiar with the Tyler Perry Quick and Easy Recipe for Plays and Four Alarm Chili? Well, here’s the quick version:

Ingredients:

A Handful of C list Black actors/actresses
1 Plot line from previous film/play or R. Kelly’s “In the Closet” video series.
1 Random white devil
2 Cups Maple Syrup for overly sweet and sticky emotional throughline
1 Bible passage
Add Prosthetic boobs to personal taste

Take Black actors/actresses and direct them to overact and adopt a Black stereotype (preferably “upstanding blue collar worker”, “playuh” or “ho’”)
Combine actors/actresses with plot line in bowl and fold in maple syrup.
Mix in evil white actor/actress and direct them to “look evil. And white.”

Once the mixture is complete, sprinkle Bible passage over entire mixture and allow to form a thin, flaky and easily poked through crust.

Serves one.


Do you see where I’m going with this? It’s become old hat for Perry to recycle the same tired, trite Black stereotypes in slightly different packages each and every time he gets behind the camera. There is nothing new in his films, there is no unique directing style, no challenging of the preconceptions about black film makers. Perry simply panders to his established audience and pats them on the head while his other hand is in their pocket. On the other hand, he has succeeded in creating a veritable money making machine by turning out the same banal crap that he knows his fans will flock to with blind abandon.

Or perhaps he's conducting a study to see if all black men that become rich really do turn into wife abusing, philandering, money hungry assholes like in his plays, with him as the subject.

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Separation Anxiety


So, my daughters will be leaving today at approximately 9am to spend the next month with their mother. That’s 30 days. 720 hours. 7,200 minutes. I’ve been decidedly nervous about this for the past couple of days for a couple of reasons. Primarily, I’m wary of how prolonged exposure to their mother affects their overall behavior when they return. Early on when they first moved in with us, they would return from their visits sullen and disobedient. Of course this has gotten much better over they years, but this is a whole freakin’ month we’re talking about here.

To be quite honest, I don’t think she (their mother) even knows how to deal with a child over the age of 9. She has a tendency to “baby” them and not communicate with them like the mature young women that they are. I remember getting calls from their mother at night when they were half the age they are now, with her asking me to talk to them because they weren’t listening to her and she didn’t know what to do. Not exactly a confidence booster there.

I understand that this is of course their mother and they need to spend time with her, but hey, this is just how I feel. Of course there are mothers out there that are fantastic *cough* Kristine *cough*, and are mature enough to handle pre teens. I just don’t think that bio-mom is one of those.

Can you hear me practicing my breathing? Yeah. Hee-Hee-hoooooo.

Anyway, last night we (Mrs. Disco and I) went for a late night swim with the girls, brought some snacks and Thor, and had a good time. Of course, Danielle was being her pre-teen self and was “bored” after 20 minutes. We hung out for a while longer, or at least until the warmth from the earlier part of the day wore off and we began to feel the chill of the night air. We then retired to the reading room (read: living room slash dining room slash TV room slash Rock Band stage) to watch some family television: A&E's "Intervention". Weeeeee!


(Update: 08:47 a.m.They just called to say that their mom just showed up to get them. Is it wrong that I was prepared to talk to them for the next 9 hours so I could keep them from leaving until I got home? I’m gonna go barf now.)