Monday, April 28, 2008

Blogging in a vacuum

Hey freaks and geeks, sorry I've been MIA for a while. To be honest with you, I've been in kind of a blogging slump. I haven't had the motivation or time to blog in the last couple of weeks due to work and my near crippling addiction to playing Bioshock on my 360. Which, by the way, I just beat after a 6 hour marathon on Friday. I got the “bad” ending, though, for “harvesting” too many Little Sisters. The “bad” ending being the one in which I take over Rapture and use its gene spliced denizens to overtake a submarine carrying nuclear warheads. W00t! Because I know you’re all DYING to know about my video game obsession. Ain't 'cha?

However, I would like to bring a few tidbits of info to your attention that haven't merited a full blown blog post:

1. Had to have Mrs. Disco explain to my daughters what a "douche" is, after my oldest jokingly referred to someone as said feminine product. And then told her to never use that word again.

2. Finally resolved to tell my brother what a douche he is for not calling/visiting more often. Then proceeded to flake on meeting up with him. Twice. If anyone asks, it was an object lesson. Yeah.

3. 8 shopping days left until my birthday!! Thanks to Google Stat tracker, I’ll be compiling a list of the emails of all of my lovely commenters and sending out a list of birthday gift options. You’re welcome, America.

4. Heard that my ex had broken her toe. Then found out that she only broke her toe nail. Color me disappointed.

5. Heard that my brother wants to plan my bachelor party in Las Vegas. Sorry, buddy. To be honest with you, I'm just fucking over partying in Vegas unless it's with other couples. I mean, other than watching shows and getting some good eats, the only other activity to Vegas is trolling for random poonanny. And I'm not even sure I spelled poonanny right. My idea of the perfect bachelor party would be a bunch of my friends gathering at somebody's house, gettin' some good cigars, bbq'ing, playing Halo, and getting drunk. Is that too much to ask? Didn't think so. Make it happ'n, cap'n.

Also, here are some snippits of an IM with Mr. Meat:

me: who's got two thumbs and every other Friday off? THIS guy!
Mr. Meat: big deal, it's not like you work anyway
me: ...this is true
yet it still stings. Much like that fissure in your ass.
I am going to wake up at 6 in the morning tomorrow JUST so I can turn my Xbox on and stare at the dashboard. Why? Cuz I CAN.
Mr. Meat: bastard
me: Have fun at work tomorrow, wage monkey
by the way, I may kill my upstairs neighbors
Mr. Meat: nice
me: God Bless Parissa, but her people are kinda jerks.
Mr. Meat: [gasp]
me: My upstairs Persian neighbors were up til 11 playing what could only be Persian Techno
I could picture them and their little rat demon dog rolling on the floor rubbing each other's faces with koosh balls
Mr. Meat: using glow-sticks
me: I'm trying to take down an underwater city and it's tyrannical creator, and they're up there with their grandma and mickey mouse gloves
YOU tell ME who takes priority
go ahead
I'll wait
Mr. Meat: well... i mean... a city needs a hero
even an underwater one

Monday, April 14, 2008

Perfect Strangers

(From left to right: Matt, Mrs. Disco, Yours truly, Jayne, Chez)

For those of you that may be unaware, a dear friend and the inspiration for my own blogging, Chez Pazienza, has finally completed his memoir, Dead Star Twilight. He has been working on this memoir for longer than I have known him, and Chez is an immensely talented writer, a devoted husband and soon to be daddy for the second time. The memoir is available for download via his blog, Deus Ex Malcontent. Until recently, Chez was a producer at CNN on their American Morning show. Citing a violation of company policy that conflicted with his keeping of a personal blog, he was unceremoniously fired from his position and has been subsisting ever since off of a diet of White Castle burgers and Tang. He lives with his wife Jayne and the soon to be newest addition to their clan in Manhattan, New York.

I actually met the lovely couple last year when they were in town due to a work function Jayne was attending. Mrs. Disco and I met them at Lola's in Hollywood. In an odd (by "odd" I mean I invited a perfect stranger to spend the weekend in my home on his way out of the country. What, me worry?) set of circumstances, another blogger, Matt of A Bowl of Stupid, was spending the weekend at our home on his way out of the country on some vision quest/find myself thingy, so he was also along for the ride. More on that at another time.

We met for drinks and dinner, and very stimulating conversation. Over the course of our meal, the conversation drifted from talking about our kids, psychopathic ex's, Matt and I dubbing Chez's drink a Zebra semen martini, to us seeing who could make the most obscure pop culture references. Much of the night is a martini induced haze, but I'm pretty sure that round one went to Chez.

We ended the night at The Standard Hotel, where Jayne and Chez were holed up for the weekend. The drinks continued to flow, and many show tunes were sung by Mrs. Disco and Jayne. Nothing says "Hollywood Chic" like a medley of songs from The Sound of Music, let me tell you.

I can tell you that without a doubt, that Chez and Jayne are a phenomenal couple. They deserve every success that comes their way, and it would warm the corners of my cold, cold heart if you would visit his blog and download a copy of the memoir.

Pretty please?

*Update: You can now read a review of Dead Star Twilight on Pajiba.

Friday, April 11, 2008

Fuckin' Chuck Norris!

Sorry for the lack of updates, folks. I've been in kind of a blogging slump as of late. But fear not, for I may have something post worthy after this Monday. You see, I am joining my first ever sport league this Monday. What sport is it, you ask?

Why, dodgeball, of course.

(Let the ball/face jokes commence)

Monday, April 7, 2008

Monday Office Haiku

Think outside the box?
I work in a cubicle
Go fuck yourself, dude

Monkey at keyboard
Typing for your amusement
The feces will fly

Billboards on freeway
Marketing my life away
Hooter's hot wings suck

Meeting dragging on
Sharpie marker high feels great
Drug test would suck balls