Well, it's been a long two months with no new posts up on The Disco. The only people reading my blog now are spammers and anyone that's done a search for "Amy Winehouse licking Tyler Perry's sphincter". I aim to change all that folks! It's a brand new day under the Disco's bright lights, and I'm cleaning house. I'd also like to ask for input from any readers still stopping by to see what's new. I'm thinking of starting a parenting column relating my day to day experiences being a single parent and answering any parenting questions the blogosphere at large may have. What do you think? Of course I'll still maintain the same oh so hilarious posts you've come to expect from the Lord of the Disco, but I'd like to give something back to the blogging community that made me the white hot blogger star I was (for about 9.2 minutes).
As my regular readers know, I have two daughters ages 12 and 10. My 12 year old had her first school dance (which Kristine and I were foolish enough to volunteer to chaperone) about a month ago with her next one coming up this Friday. Wanna know what it was like chaperoning a dance attended by about 300 preteens? Imagine a herd of cattle jacked up on Mountain Dew & Sour Patch Kids being stuffed into an auditorium after running around a yard all day. Now play some of the shittiest hip hop on today's radio, add two bewildered parents and mix till sweaty and smelly. Now I'm no prude, but if I see another 12 year old girl freaking on another 12 year old girl, I just might tazer someone. As a matter of fact, if I see any boy or girl get within 2 feet of each other, I'm makin' with the pepper spray. Gall derned hormonal douchebags.
And now we're set to do it all over again. "Why, oh Lord of the Disco, wouldst thou invite such torture upon thine noble self?" you may ask.
Shit homey, I'm an awesome parent, that's why.
6 comments:
Welcome back! I hate to say this, but you may possibly have competition in your quest to take over the world. I'm not naming names...
A few things: 1) You seem to be a glutton for punishment. Why? 2) Your parenting stories are brilliant--please continue. 3) Yay you're back!
Welcome back to the internet! You were missed!!
GWCH - Who's tryin' to take of my internets?? Who?!
Lauren - Thanks L, I missed you guys as well.
What can be more funny than kids? Kids ARE funny, albeit slighty twisted little monsters, and I look forward to your stories and advice from a dad's view, whoo hoo!
Two more weeks, man! Glad yer back.
Glad to see you again. I missed your goofiness.
1) A parenting column? Really? You mean other than the one you already have on Offsprung? I love your Dad stories, truly I do. I love reading them here, and I love reading them on Offsprung. That said, aren't you worried that you might be spreading yourself thin with three places to tell parenting stories AND a new job AND taking care of Mrs. Disco and the girls?
2) If you tazer any kids at that dance, you will instantly start a new dance craze. It'll be called "The Shocker," and kids will flail their arms in the air before flopping onto the floor and feigning seizures.
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