Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Office Pace

Hey folks, sorry about the lack of posts lately, but the new job has been running me ragged. They're also pretty adamant about no internet usage for personal stuff, so I've been accessing the internet only sparingly. However, I know all two of my readers can't get enough of me so here we go.

Here are a couple of incidents that occurred shortly after I started two Fridays ago that I found particularly amusing/horrifying:

1. Within three days of starting the new job, I lost both the temporary badge assigned to me AND the permanent one with my picture on it. I only just today received the replacement. See that? That's me impressing my new boss with my attention to detail.

2. I overhead the following phone conversation in the next cubicle

"What? The latex one?


"That one's kind of flimsy, it'll slide all over the place"


"You'll never get it to fit"

3. The older woman training me farted. When she was right next to me. She apologized...and then proceeded to fan the fumes away with a manila folder. Never mind that I was sitting at my desk at the time and was at nose level with the folder. God, it smelled like a raccoon crawled up her ass, died, came back from the dead, ate a shit ton of taco bell and then crawled back up her ass and died again. Don't even get me started on her tea breath.

4. Whenever someone walks within 1 foot of my cubicle wall, my entire monitor wobbles from side to side and makes me want to vomit.

By the way, I went to play airsoft with my friend Eric this weekend. I had a great time with the A47 rifle and 1911 pistol, but by the end of our session (we started at 1 and ended at 3, which was about 4 or 5 games), my legs felt like lead weights. What does this mean for me now? Well, I've been walking around my office like Forrest Gump in leg braces, and making "worrrrg" sounds whenever I get up from my desk chair. The plus side, it was a great work out and I actually got a guy to surrender during my first game.

I'll post something more substantial later in the week, so please do check in. Please? Pretty please?? Only if I what? Oh God, don't make do that again? You promise you won't take pictures this time?


demondoll said...

Oh, so there you are!

I hope tea bag trainer was not also the cubicle occupant? That would be too much to handle.

If we do take pictures, we can put them on your new new ID.

Anonymous said...

Your monitor wobbling makes you want to vomit? So you must be one of those Cloverfield whiners, eh? Part of the epidemic???


Congrats on the new job. Pansy.

Becky said...

Dude, rank ass sucks balls when you have to be all polite about it.

Glad to have you back. The Internet was less hilarious without you.

brite69 said...

You would so not last in my office/base. (I'm not sure what the hell to call it anymore.) We have guys here to take great pride in making people vomit with their ass funk. Fo realz, yo.

Suki said...

Oy, you got loads more than two readers! :D

Bleargh, smelly farts are BAD.

Random Musings Of My Life said...

WOW all class that lady.. Serious farted?? EWWWW

Anonymous said...

No doubt. Two readers? Pft. Hope the rest of your new job goes well. Here's a spare gas mask for ya.

Bella said...

Fun being the NKOTB, huh? and I don't mean the band!

My boys are all into the airsoft gun thing. Constantly finding those darn platic balls all over my house!

:) Bella

Bianca Reagan said...

Oh wow. And, hee hee hee! Old lady farts.