Tuesday, April 10, 2007
...Friends. How many of us have them?
I think there comes a time in your social development where you take a look at yourself and take stock of the person you've become. Are you the person you thought you would be at this point in your life? Have you achieved the goals you had set for yourself earlier in life?
There is one question, I believe, which a lot of us tend to forget to ask (or won't ask). That question is: "Are these the friends I thought I would have?" And the infinitely harder to ask and even harder to answer:
"Are these the kind of friends that I SHOULD have?"
When do you cut the ties to friends that are no longer the people you befriended? They may not have done anything to you directly, but you they no longer possess those qualities that engendered your friendship all those years ago. You still communicate with them on a semi-regular basis. Holidays, birthdays, a friends party. But they're just not that person you once knew.
Worse yet is when these friends bring their particular kind of drama into your life. Whether purposefully by calling to spill their soul to you, or inadvertently by drawing you into it simply by being in proximity to you. At what point do you cut the emotional ties? When is it disloyalty, and when is it simply preserving your own sanity?
This weekend I, along with my two daughters and my girlfriend Kristine attended the usual Easter egg hunt at the home of a friend of hers. At some point in the party I surveyed the people in attendance, and asked myself "What are we doing here?". I realized that this was definitely not our crowd. I looked at my girlfriend, Kristine, who looked beautiful as always: heels, a nice dress, jacket, makeup, hair well put together. Then I looked at her friends: sweat pants, house shoes, no makeup, track jacket, hair like baksets full of snake skin. I'm not judging anyone based solely on their choice of clothing (there is a laundry list of reasons why ties with several of the individuals should be violently severed) but at what point do you say "Hey, I look like a Wal Mart barfed on me, again, excuse me while I go change before my guests arrive." It might seem cold and callous to be able to easily cast aside friends, but maybe that's just part of my own dysfunction. I tend to be a bit more pragmatic than most people and it can sometimes come off that way. But, if you have someone in your life that does nothing but bring chaos and drama into your life, what choice do you have, really?
We're both at a point in our lives where we want more out of life, but are still tethered to some who never evolved beyond their Senior year of High School.