Tuesday, April 10, 2007

...Friends. How many of us have them?

I think there comes a time in your social development where you take a look at yourself and take stock of the person you've become. Are you the person you thought you would be at this point in your life? Have you achieved the goals you had set for yourself earlier in life?

There is one question, I believe, which a lot of us tend to forget to ask (or won't ask). That question is: "Are these the friends I thought I would have?" And the infinitely harder to ask and even harder to answer:

"Are these the kind of friends that I SHOULD have?"

When do you cut the ties to friends that are no longer the people you befriended? They may not have done anything to you directly, but you they no longer possess those qualities that engendered your friendship all those years ago. You still communicate with them on a semi-regular basis. Holidays, birthdays, a friends party. But they're just not that person you once knew.

Worse yet is when these friends bring their particular kind of drama into your life. Whether purposefully by calling to spill their soul to you, or inadvertently by drawing you into it simply by being in proximity to you. At what point do you cut the emotional ties? When is it disloyalty, and when is it simply preserving your own sanity?

This weekend I, along with my two daughters and my girlfriend Kristine attended the usual Easter egg hunt at the home of a friend of hers. At some point in the party I surveyed the people in attendance, and asked myself "What are we doing here?". I realized that this was definitely not our crowd. I looked at my girlfriend, Kristine, who looked beautiful as always: heels, a nice dress, jacket, makeup, hair well put together. Then I looked at her friends: sweat pants, house shoes, no makeup, track jacket, hair like baksets full of snake skin. I'm not judging anyone based solely on their choice of clothing (there is a laundry list of reasons why ties with several of the individuals should be violently severed) but at what point do you say "Hey, I look like a Wal Mart barfed on me, again, excuse me while I go change before my guests arrive." It might seem cold and callous to be able to easily cast aside friends, but maybe that's just part of my own dysfunction. I tend to be a bit more pragmatic than most people and it can sometimes come off that way. But, if you have someone in your life that does nothing but bring chaos and drama into your life, what choice do you have, really?

We're both at a point in our lives where we want more out of life, but are still tethered to some who never evolved beyond their Senior year of High School.


slouchmonkey said...

Ah...an oldy, but a goody! A story: my wife and I moved in together, prior to getting married, and wanted to have some friends over for a nice sit-down dinner. Right off the bat, one old, old, old pal of mine and his soon to be fiancee said, "Jeez, this is weird. Yeah, so grown-up." I pretty much knew right there that things had changed. I've spoken to him less and less since because his behavior and other reasons. Essentially, he hasn't progressed from being a 9 year-old. Petulant, as hell.

Things change. People change. A constantly evolving existence is essential to well being. My two shinny pennies!

litelysalted said...

I wrote about this subject a little while back and for the life of me I still haven't figured out what to do, besides ignore it and maybe it'll go away. Luckily for me though, my old friends (and the particular inspiration of my post) live all throughout the country so it's not like I have to encounter them on a regular basis. Still frustrating, though.

Anyway I got a lot of good feedback from readers if you want to check it out:


"Hey, I look like a Wal Mart barfed on me"


Good luck!

TK said...

Man, I gotta learn to scroll down. I didn't even know you'd posted this.

I hear you. While I'm still pretty immature, I've definitely got friends who I've given up on, either because we just became too different, or because we just drifted away. In a way, it's sad, but I think that overall it's a good thing.

litelysalted said...

I need to rant for a sec, and this happens to be the perfect forum... I've got a friend, we'll call him Lazy Dumb Ass, or "LDA" for short.

Just recently, the 30 years old LDA moved back in with his parents so he could save up money for grad school. Now there's really nothing wrong with that. Except that soon after he moved back in, his rich aunt gave him an undisclosed amount of money towards school. So LDA bought himself a $2000(+) mac powerbook, (which is completely excessive for his need of surfing the web and eventually typing papers) and then he quit his security guard job and does nothing but laze around all day. And THEN he matter of factly BLOGS about it, as if being 30, unemployed, and mooching off family is an everyday common occurrence.

I'm effing done. I can't deal with people like this anymore.

Manny said...

Pleeeeeeeeeeeez gimme the link to his blog.

litelysalted said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Manny said...

Crap! I can't get on MySpace at work. I'll have to be devious from home.

Funny note: The current Google ad on my page is

Are You Gay?


Manny said...

No, No, no.....well, yeah. You're pretty shitty for that. But the damage is done, so just pretend like it never happened that works for me. Sometimes. Actually never. Weeeeeeeeeeeeee!

litelysalted said...

Hee! Gay quiz!

Here's one:

Do you like having sex with men, circle A for yes or B for no. If you circled "a" thaaaan.... you're gay! Congratulations! Pick up your feathered boa and margarita on your way out!*

Okay, well I emailed the blog contents to you so you read that and then tell me what a piece of shit I am. Who does that?!

*Ohhhhh, I kid.