Monday, April 30, 2007

Oh, happy day!!!


Alright, I'm back bitches. After spending the last 5 days with Mrs. Disco caring for my youngest daughter after her appendix surgery, The Disco is reopened.

We have several new blends of Colombian Happy Powder for your consumption as well as a gaggle of nubile, young Brazilian women that don't speak a lick of English. Have at it.

On a related topic, the forces of Evil have suffered a telling blow today. In the ongoing war of common sense versus censorship, the forces of common sense have brought down one of Satan's lapdogs.

Jack Valenti died recently at age 85. His tan was 90.

For those of you who are blissfully unaware, Mr. Valenti, or, as I like to call him, "Satan's Cocksucker", was (per Wikipedia);

"Jack Joseph Valenti (September 5, 1921 – April 26, 2007) was an influential American lobbyist and a long-time president of the Motion Picture Association of America. During his 38-year tenure in the MPAA, he created the MPAA film rating system, and he was generally regarded as one of the most influential pro-copyright lobbyists in the world."

Here is what I dug up from my, um, "research":

Jack Valenti made a pact with Lucifer in 1966 to become the president of the MPAA in exchange for his higher brain functions. From that point on, the MPAA took it upon itself the duty of stifling creativity, proclaiming itself the watchdog of decency and propriety in the film industry and society in general.

It was also discovered that on every full moon, Jack Valenti would consume a newborn baby and five kittens to keep the dried up husk he called a body functioning. Upon discovering this, spies for the forces of good switched the baby he was to consume with a My Buddy doll and five Furby's.

In a characteristic disregard for common sense, Valenti's body continued to function for a full week before finally succumbing to the idea that he was, indeed, dead.

In all seriousness folks, the MPAA is an antiquated and irrelevant institution that is kept alive only by the support of the major film companies that comprise it. It's mask of concern for the psychological safety of our society only masks its contempt for the intelligence of those it supposedly protects.

Notable critics and filmmakers have called for the creation of a better, more defined rating system that wouldn't doom a film to poor box office because of an NC-17 or similar rating. The MPAA has a stranglehold on the film making community with its enigmatic ratings board members, strident refusal to disclose the exact reasons for a rating, and kangaroo court appeal process.

The day the MPAA is dismantled is the day when film makers will truly be free to see their dreams made reality.

8 comments:

Jayne said...

(laughing my ass off at work...)

Anonymous said...

firby, consumption of newborns, and happy powder...I love you man

mrs. disco

A Bowl Of Stupid said...

How true. If you haven't already seen "This Movie Is Not Yet Rated", you really should. It's a scathing review of the MPAA and its ties to the govt, big business, and the major studios.

All I can say is:

"Ride it Valenti! Ride it all the way to hell!"

Manny said...

Bowl-I saw it last year and I've been marking the days on my calendar till this fuckwad bit the big one.

Mrs. Disco - love you!

Jayne - Please remember to replace your ass before leaving the building. The Disco is not responsible for asses lost in the process of blogging.

Jayne said...

no worries; I never had much of one to begin with.

Chez said...

Thank God the Disco is open again. It was dangerous doing blow out of my hand in some back alley.

His tan was 90...

In the words of Mal Reynolds, Captain of Serenity -- "You're my kinda stupid."

God bless you Manny.

TK said...

Never mind the fact that it's now perfectly acceptable to watch stunning displays of violence, gore, and torture in the theater, but God forbid they should show some boobies. Or swear.

He will not be missed. Though you, in your absence spent nursing the little one (by which I mean: muling amphetamines in from Canada), definitely were.

Manny said...

Chez - Somewhere, Nathan Fillion is filling out a restraining order.

TK - "....muling amphetamines in from Canada...."
F-you man. I just snorted coffee all over my keyboard. Thanks.